The New England KKK: Jewish and Poor
by mattmetzger
Summary: Part of the New England KKK. Courtesy of Eric Cartman, we discover how the New England KKK series got its name. Humour, crack.


**Notes: How this series got its name.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, and I make no profit from this work.**

* * *

**The New England KKK: Jewish and Poor**

"So," Bebe said, when the waiter took the empty plates away, "where did Kenny and Kyle go? They can't have gone already, can they?"

"They have," Stan said.

"Kenny and Kyle? They're doing Connecticut," Cartman said. He thought about it for half a second, then added: "In Kenny's case, literally."

Wendy pursed her lips in distaste, and shot Bebe a cross look. She swore that Bebe had invited Cartman along just to rile her up. Bebe ignored her. Like Cartman, she'd had one too many, and was tipsy enough to giggle at Cartman's poor joke. Mind you, Bebe was one to laugh at anything. It made her boobs jiggle, and she fancied their waiter. Never pass up an opportunity and all that.

"Those poor students," Cartman said, not looking pitying in the slightest. "They won't know Kenny's poor and Kyle's Jewish."

Stan rolled his eyes at Wendy in commiseration.

It was two weeks after Kyle and Kenny had left, and one week before Wendy and Cartman were also due to leave - though neither of them were taking breaks before attending college. After that, there would only be Bebe left...and frankly, Stan wasn't going to be seeing much of her. Those boobs were great, but the rest of her was still too annoying.

"They'll learn," Cartman continued blithely. "Right when Kenny starts whoring himself out for money again, and Kyle whips out his circumc-"

"Eric!" Wendy snapped.

"Dude, shut up," Stan said, more calmly, but with more effectiveness.

"I'm just saying," Cartman placated, "that it won't stay secret."

"Only _you _would think that's a secret," Wendy sniped. "Nobody else _cares_."

"Well, they'll all care that Kenny's poor," Cartman shrugged. "But you're right about the Jew. The Ivy League is full of Jews. Why do you think I refuse to go?"

"Because you're too _stupid _to go," Wendy said hotly.

Wendy had never quite learned with the rest of them that Cartman was a complete asshole and always would be. His outbursts continued to shock her, years after everyone else had gotten used to them. She was kind of like Kyle...but about _everything_, rather than just the anti-Semitism. In fact, Wendy had often left the anti-Semitism stuff alone, because Kyle _would _deal with it.

But now he wasn't, she jumped in on that one too.

Cartman bristled, and Stan jumped in hastily to defuse the situation.

"Dude, it's New England," he said. "Ivy League aside, it's _depressing _up there."

"Full of dirty liberals," Cartman groused.

Wendy scowled, and Stan hastily changed the subject entirely.

"So even though neither of you guys is staying in Colorado, you're still going to watch the Broncos, right?"

* * *

The conversation clearly was not forgotten by all parties involved.

Some three weeks after moving into their crummy little apartment, a box came for the boys from Colorado. When Kenny opened it, and a rigged can of pepper spray went off in his face, Kyle correctly assumed that Cartman had sent it.

"Kind of hard to tell whether that was on target or meant for me," Kyle called blithely to Kenny, who was scrubbing his face furiously in the bathroom not twenty seconds after opening the box.

The response was, unsurprisingly, some good old-fashioned midwestern cursing.

Kyle eased the card itself out of the little box, dropping the pepper spray on the floor, and opened it gingerly.

Surprisingly, it was not booby-trapped - merely a plain white card with some lines written inside.

_Kenny and Kyle do Konnecticut._

_(Bad porn for all those poor- and Jew-lovers out there.)_

_But guess what, Kyle? That spells KKK._

_The New England KKK: Jewish and Poor_

_Enjoy your new liberal statesmen._

_Eric._

Kyle, surprisingly, found himself snickering.

"What?" Kenny asked, emerging from the bathroom with red eyes and a scowl.

"We're the New England KKK."

"What?" Kenny blinked.

Kyle handed over the card. After some consideration, Kenny snickered as well, before saying:

"You think we should tell him that Connecticut is spelled with a C?"


End file.
